Saturday, 19 January 2013

Feeling rubbish!

I couldn't really think of a witty, inspiring title for today's I decided to be honest...not sugar coat it and simply label it how it is...and how I'm feeling today.

For a while I was scared to admit to people when I was having a low day, for fear of being labeled as depressed. Just to clarify, I have no prejudice against depression, I dearly love and am alongside a few very close friends who do bravely battle it through it everyday...I think it's more that I know I'm a very capable person who usually just gets on with living life in all its busyness...and to admit when you feel abit overwhelmed by it and disappointed in it is quite scary.
I know I don't have depression but I do get days where I feel abit low...which I believe everyone does....we are mere humans after all...designed to experience every emotion.

I think the lie - because it is a lie - that we have to put on a happy smiley mask all the time, and act like life is just wonderful every moment of the day is a pretty dangerous one. It can stop people from trusting, sharing, be-friending and encouraging others. It can build up feelings of resentment and jealousy when we behave like our lives are constantly easy and better than those around us.

Whilst I know I am blessed with a lovely life...a trusting, loving husband, my beautiful children, our own home, food and drink to hand, clothes, friends, church life, luxuries such as my FitCamp membership, regular pedicures and eyebrow nights or family treats...realistically these same blessings can be frustrations at times. They can test us...upset us...make life abit....bleurgh!

And despite the fact that I love to encourage, uplift and make others reader, I unashamedly share with you that I feel rubbish. I'm not really sure why to be honest but today I just feel abit weepy, abit lonely, and abit envious of others who situations look so much better than ours...and yes, note that I put "look," as I'm not naive enough that I presume others lives are perfect...I know they are not...but it's still hard sometimes...and I feel sad for my eldest son that the birthday party he was soooo excited about had to be cancelled leaving his little heart hurt...and that situation leads me to add I also am not liking the snow...the reason for the cancellation of his party....which when you state this then leads to many people sharing how beautiful and great and perfect it is...I'm not ashamed to say...I'm not liking it! Whilst it looks nice out my window, it's ruined plans for the last couple of days (yes, I appreciate Gods plans are best...but I'm still frustrated things haven't panned out how we were hoping) and the snow is actually very inconvenient and un-necessary. Sorry! Just being truthful folks...and yes...I have played in it with my kids, and we had a genuinely fun time together....because that's what a good mum does, despite her own feelings about something....she puts them aside in front of her children to brighten their day...but in my writing I don't have to do that!

But....I know after all that in my last paragraph I'm trying my best to not dwell in self pity, because I know there are people who are having much harder testing times right now, this second compared to me. In comparison my struggles are laughable actually...silly...not that important in the grand scheme of life...but today they are trying to rest in my heart...and I know I've entertained them a little too long...I want to chose joy and happiness and peace...I chose to listen to truth, read truth and dwell on truth....

So as an encouragement to us real about where you're at. You (and me...yes Stacey, and you) don't always have to be the this I dont mean you or I should ignore others needs...I simply mean you and I are allowed to need encouragement from others (yes, Stacey, you are!)
You are allowed to say "no".... you are allowed to rest and spend time with yourself, you are allowed to say "right'm not quite sure why...could be hormones, might not be, things feel abit sad and frustrating!" But lets not entertain these feelings for too long...really we shouldn't atall...but again, I believe that's unrealistic... some days feeling abit low is harder to shrug off than other days... But through every emotion, situation and circumstance, we have a choice...and that choice should be to turn to God...face Him and not our feelings and trust He is good!

To end, a little scripture that fits so nicely which I will rest in as today goes on....
Psalm 42:5
"Why my soul are you downcast? Why disturbed with me?
Put your hope in God, for yet I will praise Him,
My Saviour and my God!"

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