Monday, 4 March 2013

Forgiving the person without a face!

I thought I'd moved on from that episode in my life.
I thought I'd forgiven for all the hurt, sadness and anger that had been moulded in my heart.
I thought I'd fully accepted that what happened in the past doesn't define me now.
I thought I'd hardened myself to letting the person without a face stop reducing me to tears.

I thought.....I thought.....I thought! Maybe thinking isn't enough...maybe it's not possible to ever forget when bad things happen...because those bad things help mould us into the people we are today.

What is a bad thing? What makes my bad thing more serious than yours...or yours more serious than mine? Why does that bad thing have to be my past...my experience to help mould me into this woman who stands here today?
Why do I chose to allow the person involved remain fuzzy in my mind....the person without a face...?

Questions....some answered....some not....prayers.....lots of prayers....supernatural love flowing into my heart...because I can't do full forgiveness by my own strength.
I can't entertain the memories, but I can't erase them by my own strength either.
I can't and I won't! Because I know that before the person without a face entered my life, Jesus already had...even if I hadn't reached out to Him...He was there, loving me. He knew that soon...after the bad thing....I would reach out and grasp His hand.

Forgiveness....it's a journey. It doesn't happen easily in all circumstances. Sometimes, like me, we think we've done it, but then a word is shared, a message flows and 'whoosh' we realise the person without a face still has a hold of a teeny part of our heart. 

Today, I thank God that here I stand...a woman now...a mother...a wife...a friend! He has grown me in so many ways. He has humbled my heart, He has restored my life, He has done many good things that far exceed the bad. He knows....He cares....He listens...He holds....He strengthens....He weeps...He smiles....He loves!
And He helps me once again dust off the cobwebs, and re-tune my mind. Full forgiveness will come, this I am sure...because I won't let the person without a face steal my present or future.

My Jesus, My Saviour, Lord there is none like you!


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