Tuesday, 24 September 2013

The love of a sister stands the test!

I've never truly experienced what I imagine to be a "normal" sibling relationship...being the youngest of two children, with my sister having a severe mental handicap has meant the dynamics of our relationship have always been..."different."
Whilst I don't much like the words "normal" and "different" I really hope for the sake of my humble point being made, you can excuse me for including them and open your heart to what I want to say.

My sister is really very special to me and I love her and thank god for her every day, but over the years I've craved having that sister bond I feel I've missed out on.
I have been so blessed to meet a circle of girls who I have had the privilege to share life with...it's a precious thing...letting someone in...revealing yourself...making yourself vulnerable and having them know the full you.
I've been blessed to be able to do that.

But I also know the hurt that comes with realising someone you treasured so deeply in your heart has ditched you. No explanation...no signs of things about to change...just being ignored, pushed out and left feeling like a spare part.
Part of me has naturally felt saddened that someone I thought was in my life for the duration of the race has suddenly had a change of heart...who wouldn't take it like a slap round the face?

But after spending time reflecting on who I am in Gods image, tonight I feel at peace that like all seasons, some friendships naturally must come to an end...no matter how sad it feels. It's not my burden to carry...He loves me, He protects me, He puts the right people around me...
And I've come to realise that whilst her handicap may have made our relationship "different" my real sister...well she loves me so so much and yes, granted whilst I can't share the depths of my hearts worries and desires with her, I know she'll always be there...rooting for me...standing the test of time.
Sometimes I wish Lisa wasn't handicapped....sometimes it feels so cruel. They are the times my friends fill the gap in more ways than they could realise.
The ones who matter and won't walk away unannounced.
I'm grateful for you all xxx

Wednesday, 11 September 2013

Today I recognised....

Today I recognised something about myself.
Today I recognised that I have in fact spent way too many days of my life feeling insecure about myself.
Today I recognised that despite being confident in my abilities in ministry, as a mother, wife, friend and daughter...that when all those attributes are stripped away and it comes to me...just me...that for too long I haven't really embraced what's left.

Today I recognised that in too many moments I have allowed that little nagging voice to stop me from experiencing new things...friendships...hobbies...ministry opportunities.
Today I recognised that I have grieved mistakes from my past, and carried them for too long.
Today I recognised that I have at many a times let that little nagging voice whisper to me what I believe others think...not taken time to find out for myself or think the best of people...but instead tell myself that they must think bad of me for this reason or that...

Today I recognised that when I step out in Faith and with a sense of Godly boldness, I quieten that little nagging voice and live out Truth in all its Glory.
Today I had a lovely afternoon with a girlie I have wanted to have a cuppa with for a while...but had been too nervous to ask because "why would she want to spend time with me?"
Today as we chatted and shared tales of motherhood, dreams and dado rails (yes really!), I recognised that I don't want to be held back in invisible chains in any area of my life...I recognised afresh, the sacrifice Jesus made all those years ago, to ensure I didn't waste this gift He has given me...that I would stand tall in His Love and Grace over me...and know deep in my heart that they are enough to sail me through each day....whoever and whatever I face.

Today I recognised, I am enough....

Today was a good day! :-)

Friday, 6 September 2013

Red {5 minute Friday}

Today I choose to link up at lisajobaker.com for five minute Friday. A time to write for 5 minutes unedited on the 
chosen theme! This weeks theme is RED...here goes!!!

 He looked up at me with his huge, five year old, brown teary eyes..hand at an angle not usual for bones so fragile.
A visit to minor injuries, an X-ray and the consultants words confirmed that whilst at football camp, 
my little boy had indeed suffered a broken wrist.
For a few days he had to wear a temporary cast to protect the injury and allow swelling to go down, 
and then excitement despite the cause...on return to the hospital, he was able to chose
a full cast that would mend his little bones, in any colour he wished for...

My boy...being the football crazy little hobbit he is, chose red...a beautiful, bright red to represent his favourite football team. And he rocked that little red cast, he really did. And we grew to accept it, work around it ~ especially at bath times when we weren't able to get it wet.
Today, after four weeks of being in cast, little man had it removed.
Delight as his skinny little arm was revealed, and the words "your wrist is healed" were spoken. Laughter as he told the consultant, he had found the whole experience "great!"
Contentment and words of thanks murmured by this relieved mummy to the One who made it possible.

We decided to keep the red cast...memory boxes are made for such life treasures in my opinion. And as I laid it in my boys box this evening, it dawned on me that my whole life I have associated the colour red with danger...with stopping in order to avoid collision...that red has never been a colour I particularly like....yet it has a deep significance in my life when it comes to my faith and my belief that Jesus shed His blood for me on the cross.
Just as the little red cast healed my baby's bones, Jesus's blood healed me...rescued me and delivered me from a life that just wasn't nice. I have experienced feeling emotioanlly, like my little mans wrist...set back in place, yet weak from the ordeal...but in time strength comes...in time, confidence grows....in time, the trauma lessens, the memories fade and a thankful soul presses through.
Just as a bone doesn't have to stay broken in a world where medics can plaster it and fix it....a life needn't be lived in confusion, hurt, desperation and despair when a saviour came to bring us unconditional love, peace, happiness and rest. 
It's here for the taking...for every single one of us....we need simply open our hearts and minds and let Him in...