Recently I was told I shouldn't be so open about the fact I was 7 months pregnant when I married my childhood sweetheart...oh darn...guess I can't get any more open than saying that here...shoot me now!
The person who gave me this piece of rubbish, sorry, heartfelt advice is someone in my church family...in case that causes anyone any confusion, that's not my biological or married into family, but my church family - because that's what we believe we are to one another when we attend and serve in the same church place - family - people who protect, love and share life together with a common love of Jesus.
A conversation followed their sentence, which was pretty much me saying this....
"I don't regret my eldest son. I'm not ashamed of my eldest son. I know He was very much a part of Gods plan. The fact that both Josh and I very nearly died at the end of my pregnancy and during his birth and the doctors thought he would be (at the very least) partially brain damaged...but we are both here today, healthy and doing this life, is my absolute reassurance that my first born IS and WAS a part of Gods plan. My bible tells me in Psalm 139:13-16
"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them."
If this scripture is relevant to you...me...joe bloggs...surely it's relevant and true of my big boy too right?
This is the thing okay...Whilst I know the difference between right over wrong, righteousness over sin, opinion over fact, truth over lies...I also know God is a loving God. And I know He has an ideal. Was me getting pregnant at the age of 20 with my eldest child by the man I had been in relationship with for 5 years, engaged to for 10 months illegal? No, of course it wasn't. As someone who believed in Jesus it was however not Gods ideal for my life. His ideal would have been me remaining a virgin until after my wedding and conceiving Josh within that union, and I know that. I accept that and I've asked for and accepted His grace and mercy over me for that. Have I ever regretted Joshua? NO WAY! And me not being honest and humble and gentle about that part of my life journey - when he was conceived - would be just that. It would be me being ashamed of him. And I'm not.
I know this post may upset some people. Hey...if you want some fluffy sugar dust coated read, you're on the wrong blog guys.
I refuse to apologise to anyone for the brave and amazing decision Robert and I made to keep that baby and love that baby.
Do I wish the same for my children? I'll tell you straight - I want my children to be so much more amazing than their parents. I want them to change the world...I want them to stand on roof tops shouting their love for Jesus. I want them to experience life and life at it's fullness. I want them to marry good people and make beautiful babies within that union. I want sex to be the last thing on their minds whilst they build up their futures. I want them to know that intimacy in marriage is amazing...special....Gods ideal...
But I also want them to know that we love them. We see them for what they are...the same as everyone else...broken humans who can only do life well when He is leading the way. And that we will try our damn best to show them grace and love throughout their journeys. That we will support them and help them...whatever their situation. Because that's what we've been called to do as their parents.
We will continue to encourage them that they should never feel ashamed...of their skin colour, of their heritage, of their taste in clothes, of their dreams and aspirations...of their mistakes...and their slip ups.
I can't bear it when we preach over people how much God loves them and has a perfect plan and is in control...and then when we don't like something within that, we screw up our perfect little noses and have an opinion - no where bible related.
So, please....never tell me I should make any aspect of my life a dirty little secret to be hidden and ashamed of. I'm too grown up in so many ways to believe that crap any more. What He has done in me...only a few of you know...and this is me unfinished...WOW...IM SO EXCITED! There's more to come and I'm ready!
And remember...life is based on choices. Our own choices! And whether or not they are His ideal for us! When He is FIRST in our lives, our choices will always stand in line with His ideal <3 p="">
Be blessed xxx