Sunday, 27 September 2015

"Trust me..."

It's been an interesting couple of days, well months really in our home.
Lots of change as children move to new year groups at school, our daughter started school and husband and I have found ourselves expecting baby number 6.

Whilst we adore having a larger than average family, it's fair to say having six children wasn't quite on our agenda, in fact when we found out about "blueberry" I was preparing to return to the world of employment following a great run as a stay at home mummy.
Our daughters (child number 5) arrival into the world was quite a traumatic one with a complicated emergency csection. We were advised not to have more children following her delivey and with her being our 5th baby,  were relaxed in that having a positive pregnancy test back in February saw me seeking medical advice very soon afer that result.
We were strongly encouraged to consider having a termination at 8 weeks as doctors felt the risks were too great to myself and that the baby potentially wouldn't survive.

It was a truly emotional, difficult time. With 5 children already who need their mummy, we had to really consider the doctors advice and whether we could take our family on such a risky journey.
Thankfully, for us, we have a faith and believe in a God who, we believe, directs us and helps us through such times.
At church one Sunday morning, I really felt Him say to me "who do you trust more Stace, me or other people?" Whilst I know to some this will sound whacky, and I get that, my answer that morning was "you of course!"

And so our decision was made to proceed with our pregnancy. We made a decision to choose LIFE that day and trust that the God who creates it, would bring it to be.  The support around us was incredible from family and friends.

In fairness it hasnt been totally awful atall. Tiredness has been a near killer at times thanks to a busy life, sickness at the start was a drag and I've had a couple of visits to hospital to ensure we are both well. But I've been monitored regularly and here we are today at 35 weeks pregnant with another little boy due to join our family.

Friday just gone, I had a scheduled scan at the hospital and went along with my main hope being little man was in the correct position for birth. I had been told earlier in the pregnancy our aim was a natural delivery and wanted nothing to hinder that.
The prayer was indeed answered when the sonographer confirmed baby is head down and engaged...."yessss," I thought.
But then the news that our boys tummy was looking too large and that I would need to "come back in a few days for some tests, and another scan."
Suddenly I was mentally transported back to that morning in the gp surgey when a termination was the best advice on offer to us.
Talk turned to an early elective c-section, with the very real facts constantly outlined that I am at high risk of a uterine rupture the bigger baby gets, and the more complicated things get.
Robert, my parents and precious friends, have kept me strong this past two days. I have felt overwhelmed, and at times scared.

And then....this.....

I woke up just before 5:30am this morning.  My first thought was the baby and how we would get through this next couple of weeks. I felt myself want to pray for an easy natural delivey, that we would both be okay. But as I started to speak, God literally cut me short and stopped the words from forming.

"Sssshhh, My will Stacey not yours! Remember what I asked you at the start of this journey.....where does your trust lay?"

It was one of those incredible moments of which you hear of, but maybe go a lifetime never experiencing yourself.

"You of course," I whispered. And at that moment
PSALM 121 came to mind:
I lift up my eyes to the mountains—
    where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord,
    the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip—
    he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel
    will neither slumber nor sleep.
The Lord watches over you—
    the Lord is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon by night.
The Lord will keep you from all harm
    he will watch over your life;
the Lord will watch over your coming and going
    both now and forevermore.

He never sleeps....He never slumbers! On Friday I had cried "where are you God? Where are you REALLY when the trials come? Because I don't see you right now."
And this morning, He answered me.  He is here....He's not sleeping, He's not bored of me, He is well ahead of me in this trial.

Because when doctors told me I wouldn't make 12 weeks of pregnancy, God told me to trust in Him, to believe in the gift of life. And here we are, 35 weeks pregnant...against all odds.
Whilst I won't ignore doctors concerns and will be sat in that clinic again on Tuesday morning, I don't go alone.  I go knowing He who never sleeps nor slumbers has already been before me. My peace, my hope, my baby and I....we are all in His hands.

I believe in LIFE and I'm believing for a beautoful miracle, however way it may come to be....believe with me? 

Be Blessed x